Legal 17 year old
I received your book after a trip I took with a 17 year old girl. I've been attracted to this girl for a long time. We finally had a connection and she understands that I have feelings for her.
We have not had sex, but spent the two nights kissing and dry fucking. Now that we’re back I've been really cool and not trying to bring up what we've shared because now I have to deal with working around her high school friends and parents.
I just finished talking with her and she still sounds interested in continuing in the relationship. I told her I was thinking of her and want to get together soon. She said “OK” but didn't sound like it was to be sometime soon. She definitely didn't what to commit to anything tonight. I even asked if calling her was going to make things difficult for her and she said no.
How often should I call and what should I say to get her to meet me somewhere? This going to have to be one of those private secret meet things, but I like that. Your book says no Jail Bait, But in my state it's 16. I am 29. She is awesome and I want it to last. Help! - Rob, no last name please.
Steele sez! Whoa! Too bad you didn’t read the last few newsletters before you went on your two-day trip or even before you called her.
The mistakes you made are common. Everyone, included yours truly, makes the same ones when first starting out on this grand quest. Big mistake: You told her in no uncertain terms that you find her attractive. Bigger mistake: You called her and told her that YOU wanted to get together and you told her that you were thinking of her. Biggest mistake: You told her in no uncertain terms that you “have feelings” for her. Ultimate mistake: You did not exhibit or maintain The Right Attitude.
Repetition is the key to learning. The reason you never, ever tell her she’s attractive is because then she says to herself, “I’ve got him. He wants me! I’m a real Cosmo Girl. I can attract men.” Then she no longer has to risk going out with a power, dangerous, mysterious older man.
All young women want to know they are attractive and desirable to a real man, an older man. Each wants to know that she is so desirable that she could go out with a Real Man. She wants to know she could have a Real Man. Your value to her plummets to zero once you give her everything she wants, the end.
By spending two nights with her kissing and dry fucking, she has all the evidence she’ll ever need without taking her panties off and getting red-lined in fifth-gear. Now she can get back on track toward finding Mister Jimmy Rite and back on track toward becoming Queen For A Day.
Can this possibility be saved? It is a long shot, but as my favorite author says, “A long shot is better than no shot!”
Step 1: Immediately adopt The Right Attitude and maintain it for the next two years!
Step 2: Ignore her for at least a month.
Step 3: Be seen with a few different attractive older (22-28) year old females.
All of this will cause her doubts to instantly resurface and at the same time cause her catty competitiveness to take over her ego and libido.
Step 4: WAIT for her to come to you. You may be civil and polite, but that’s it. Keep all conversations short. Appear as if you have a busy social calendar and social life without her.
Final warning: If you chase her once, it is all over forever.
Available at the Steel Balls Press website, video of R. Don Steele's Body Language seminar and Joanna's talk on Dress for Success with Young Women.
The four and one half hour presentation was shot on May 3, 1998 before a large group of guys who own How to Date Young Women and are interested in Joanna’s forthcoming Dress For Success With Young Women book.
Don, Joanna and volunteers from the audience demonstrated all of the key signs of interest and disinterest, both from across the room and when engaged in verbal intercourse. Joanna presented her views on General Advice, No no’s, Hair, Teeth and any subject the guys wanted to hear about from a young woman including: toupees, SUVs, pickup trucks, t-shirts, jeans, sideburns, music, hair dyes, long hair, sports cars, Dockers, penny loafers, and on and on.
Extremely informative and entertaining.
New-Porsche Beach
My friend moved to Fullerton. He says that inland girls are much more friendly than beach bunnies. The beach cities, even Irvine, seem to attract a lot of gold diggers and extreme yuppies or wannabe's. I live in Newport Beach which has more millionaires per acre than Beverly Hills and they are all chasing the young one's. Do you have any advice about living near the beach? - name withheld
Steele sez! Southern California has some notoriously bad, as is in, disgusting, areas. NewPorsche Beach is one of them. Another famous plastic-phony town where assholes gather is Marina Del Rey. Those places are as bad as Hollyweird for meeting young women because the females in such cities have aberrant agendas: Find and marry a millionaire (NewPorsche Beach), get into showbiz (Hollyweird) or meet Mr. Right who is “totally hip” and “young” (Marina Del Rey) and any city, town or burgh on the “Westside.”
No matter where you are in America, you have similar areas that are to be avoided. That’s if you want to find young women who can become interested in being your lover. That breed of young woman is not interested in seeing and being seen in the Hard Rock Cafe or sipping cappuccino at a sidewalk cafe “on the strand.” Avoid any place or city or area that’s trendy and hip or it’s “the” place to go.
Impossible bank tellers
I’ve been working on a very cute one at my new bank. You advised in How to Date Young Women to always go where she works when the crowd isn’t there so I go in about an hour before lunch and that works great.
I'm sure she gets a lot of attention, because she's the best looking one there. I was just friendly with her as I was with all of the other tellers. I made sure I didn’t compliment them and kiss up like every other guy seems to do.
She was standoffish at first, so I stayed aloof but friendly. When she waited on me I mentioned I needed the $$$ as I was going snowboarding. She volunteered that she snowboards and asked who I was going with. I said I was going with a group to Salt Lake and we chatted a few minutes about boarding. The next time I went in, she asked how trip was and we chatted some more.
Now, she’s never there when I go in. If she returns, what is the best way to ask her out? Ask when she gets lunch? Or, tell her that I take off one day a week to board locally and ask her when her day off is and suggest, not ask, that she join me? - Del Riggs, Las Vegas NV
Steele sez! First a quote from How to Date Young Women: “...they change cars, apartments, phone numbers and jobs faster than you and I can change our socks.” In other words, shit happens and she moves on before you get to make a move.
Although I have managed to become friendly with many young tellers, I have never been able to date one. Why? The two of you are trying to establish courtship communications and exchange signs of interest while she’s “on stage.”
Her boss is always watching her and her boss is almost always a 40 year old lump who is seriously pissed you are not talking to her!
Worse, all other young females are watching her with their antennas out and their catty claws sharpened! She must be controlled and reserved. You must appear to be nothing more than casual and friendly otherwise she will be clawed and scratched when you leave. Worse she might get fired for being too “unprofessional” with a customer.
Young women are fiercely competitive about men. When they are in a group, like a bank, where they can all see each other, they monitor each other constantly. Jealousy and envy dominate and predominate. Not a one of them wants any other girl to succeed with a male, especially a desirable, friendly attractive, well-dressed older man. They believe it is a zero-sum game.
If Debbie goes out with you, they will never get to go out with an older man! Whatever they can do to prevent the union is exactly what they will do. In short, I no longer consider tellers as possibilities. If you manage to date one, write and tell us how you pulled it off!
Jimmy appears
I have a story you'll find amusing. I met this girl at the health club. I talked to her a few times, nothing serious, did most everything right. I was going to get together with her as you suggest, by letting it happen.
The next time I saw her, I talked the same way, casually. Her attitude was different this time, though. She wasn't relaxed, something was just different. After a minute or so, it was obvious something wasn't working, so I excused myself and walked to one of the weight machines.
I was just starting to wonder what I had done wrong when I heard a young man's (boy's) voice ask her, "Who was that?" It was Jimmy! I almost burst out laughing. Obviously Jimmy wasn't around when we had talked before. She stopped going to the health club after that. - name withheld
Steele sez! I’m certain Jimmy’s nuts shrunk to the size of raisins when he saw you and that’s why she’s not allowed to go to the health club. Remember, Shit Happens! Have a string of pearls at least three pearls long to keep you from stepping into the shit when it happens.
Thanks and praise
April’s was the best newsletter yet! Many of the major points and traps for the unwary are mentioned. I hope the man who "fell" for the cute office manager has learned his lesson at a far younger age than I did. It is not obvious that there is a fairly complex dynamic going on in the female social response and your books are the only source I know of that explains it. - James Pizanotti, Ames, IA
Steele sez! Thanks! Most important is that I find out what works and what you like and what you don’t like. Good old feedback to quote my favorite author.
More praise
Thanks for the April newsletter. I enjoyed the case histories. They are very good and extremely informative; I learned a lot. In the March newsletter, I really appreciated the advice about not learning the wrong thing. The lows feel so low because the highs were so high! That really makes sense to me and I resolve not to close myself off. After the affair is over, I will get hurt. Thank you very much for that bit of wisdom. - Captain Jerry, Victoria BC
Steele sez! Ditto above.
French success story
I have been using your techniques very successfully, especially Body Language Secrets. I met a 25 year old French girl, Marie. She is beautiful.
I ate dinner with her today and really paid attention to her body language. She sounded like she was happy the whole time, but at times her body language would get very closed. Some of it was when I would talk about certain subjects that did not interest her. I found that if I also got closed for a while and then opened up, she would too. I believe you talked about this in your book. I was also very laid back and non aggressive. I was giving off vibrations that I liked her, but I didn't need her. I can tell there are good things ahead for me with Marie.
What is your experience with French women? I noticed she is very lively compared to a lot of American girls. I think that French women are more open to go out with older men. Thanks for your help. - Steve Dillingham, El Paso TX
Steele sez! I have no experience with French females other than when I was in the Army stationed on the French border of Germany. They all stunk, literally! So much for their sophisticated stereotype.
I sincerely believe that women everywhere at the same. However, if she came from France, she has been exposed to the older man-younger woman possibilities in a positive light, unlike her American “sistahs.” So, you will have that going for you. Do not discuss this topic with her until your second anniversary!
Congratulations on maintaining The Right Attitude at dinner. May you continue to maintain it until the end of the fourth month, when you can let it slip a bit, only a bit.
Further congratulations are in order for mastering the Body Language Secrets concept of leading by example and understanding “mirroring.” I hope readers of this issue will have their collective awareness raised by your success in grasping one of the key features of courtship body language. It also should help readers understand the concept of “controlling” the situation by controlling yourself!
Feedback on April
Thanks for the April edition. What I like: Reiteration and reinforcement. Slow learners like myself need to be constantly reminded of what we are doing wrong and what we are doing wrong. The constant repetition and reference to sections of your books is beneficial and keeps me on my toes. I like the question and replies. The successes and screwups and your analysis are enlightening and helpful.
What I would like to see more of: More specifics on clothing. An article on "Don goes Shopping" would be interesting. It would be a good template to measure ourselves against. I have a copy of John Molloy's book but I'm always interested in what others are buying. Some us are blue collar types. I spend most of the day in blue jeans, a t-shirt and t-shoes. Any suggestions?
Steele sez! Blue collar dress for success? I don’t know what to say about work clothes. Your jacket is about the only item you have that can be altered? I’d suggest expensive leather, manly, but not black. No ball caps!
Joanna will be doing a Dress For Success With Young Women talk and demonstration on Sunday afternoon May 3 in Whittier. We will be video taping the entire 3 hours and it will eventually be available as a video tape(s). I’ll ask her and have something for you in the next newsletter and possibly she’ll cover it on May 3. After work? Everything Molloy says, I agree with.
Don Does Not Go Shopping: What I do and wear after 26 years of dating young women is not what you want and need to do or wear. You must find a young, or not so young (under 35) woman as prescribed and have her teach you what she likes.
If you have the Audio Tape Set, remember my long explanation about how to dress based on 18 year old Liz and her insistence on my buying purple jogging shorts and pale lavender dress shirt in 1983! Girls were honking their horns at me when I jogged down Mar Vista! Women were coming on to me at work by complimenting me on my shirt! I would have never, ever worn purple or lavender! My balls didn’t fall off, and neither will yours. Do what she says!
Radio shrinks and jealous women
What do you make of this? Someone, I don't know who, sent me the following "advice" from a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, you know, the radio shrink. This is the part they excerpted from her book:
What I need is the love of a verrry young woman: At the beginning of this chapter I talked to you about the biology of the successful males (lots of resources) going after the fertile females (DNA dissemination centers). Well, for human males with complex human psyches, it's even more complicated than that. To quote journalist and humorist L.M. Boyd, "Many a man who thinks he'd like to get rid of his early wife really wants to get rid of his early self. What such a husband seeks, says one matrimonial savant, is a partner who doesn't know him so well."
Let's face it, men, when your weaknesses, failures, unmet goals, personal shortcomings and disappointments in life finally dawn on you, one quick and easy solution is to "fake-it" by mesmerizing a silly young thing who thinks you're something else simply because you've got character lines on your face. She's so naive, she thinks those character lines were earned, not just too much sun, booze and age!
When a 47 year old man says he has a lot in common with a 23 year old girl, it means he's voluntarily retarded. Older men seek out younger women to impress others and convince themselves they are something they aren't. It’s a quick and dirty way to bring excitement into your life, proving that all your problems aren't truly "yours" just because some young thing adores you. Problem is that after a while the truth seeps through.
That tendency toward escape and pretend is also the stuff affairs are made of.
Question Continues: I don't know who the hell gave this to me, and I don't know what to say to this except, as for myself, I feel I am on the right track. What kind of an answer would you give to Dr. L? - Darryl, No last name or city please
Steele sez! I’ll answer your first question first as to what I make of it. It was sent to you by your ex-wife or ex-lover who knows that you are dating young women. They are attempting to make you feel like you are Middle Age Crazy.
Please review How to Date Young Women in the chapter Disadvantages and see that all women in your life will be powerfully jealous and hurt. That is one of the prices you must pay. Take what you want and pay for it, sayeth God. Spanish Proverb quoted in all my books because that’s just the way it is.
Your second, but implied question is, “Am I doing the right thing?” Fuckin’ A! It’s your life. You’re the one with only about 20 years of good health and good looks left. Screw that prune-faced bitch “doctor” Laura and her fan who sent that horseshit to you.
What would my reply to “doctor” Laura be? Jeez it would go on and on. The essence is: Blow it out your menopausal asshole you phony! The high and mighty “doctor” Laura made every mistake a woman can make. She screwed up her life completely. Now she passes judgement on all young women who do what she did!
Most phony of all, she is a born again Jew at age 50+ after trying to pass as a gentile for the first 50 years. Phony to the core.
As to her “analysis” of a newspaper columnist’s “analysis” complete horseshit on both their parts. LM Boyd publishes a trivia column. She pretends she’s quoting an expert. Then she pretends she knows what she’s talking about. She is not inside your body or inside your head. You are the only guy who knows what you want and what you need. As you know, I have a whole chapter dedicated to Your Motives in which I carefully explain what the possibilities are and can be. You are responsible You must be ethical and up front with your young lover.
Bookstore pickups
Sunday morning I ventured to my local Borders bookstore. I approached the racks and stood studying the covers of some magazines. I glanced over and a woman of about 23 was sitting in aisle one with her boyfriend. She was checking out my crotch. When she realized that I saw her, she looked away.
I went down aisle two and stopped at a section I was interested in. In a few moments, she walked down aisle one, passed by me and the went to aisle three and started looking busy. I followed a few seconds later to see what she looked like. Barely a six. I wasn't interested. But let’s say I was interested. What then? - John, no last name please.
Steele sez! Bookstores are coming up more often. They have become gathering spots for meet to meat possibilities among the literate!
Let’s use what we know as a foundation to build on. What do we know about? We know how it works at a Club Meeting Or Social Gathering from the long explanations and examples in How to Date Young Women. Fundamentals. Step 1: She must show interest nonverbally. Step 2: You must show interest nonverbally. Step 3: You must have a semi-plausible reason to say something to her, then have a safe subject to talk about.
There are two necessary conditions: “semi-plausible” and “safe topic.” If you insist on having only one condition met, you are doomed to get rejected again and again.
The semi-plausible reason can be the old “do you know where” routine. For example, “Do you know where the section on Oral Sex is?” (Just jerking around!) The obvious “safe topic” is books or music in Borders and the like.
Levels Of Nonverbal Interest: When she looks at your crotch, approach her with relaxed, open, vulnerable, confident body language, tone of voice and a pleasant friendly manner. When they make eye contact and later exhibit downcast eyes as explained in Signs Of Interest From Across The Room in Body Language Secrets, you can approach her, again with relaxed confidence but go much slower and easier. She submitted to you, now it’s your turn to be submissive. Review the Sequence Of Courtship in How to Date Young Women for the details.
The gist of it is the same as approaching a young woman at a private party or at a public gathering like a political rally. The level of her interest dictates the type of approach you make. The more hesitant she is, the less assertive you are. Mirroring and slowly opening are wonderful techniques that work. See above, and review Body Language Secrets.
Girl with boyfriend
This is from Terry, age 37. I'm currently working on an 18 year old the past few months. Our contact has been very friendly. I would normally see her on a social basis, about once a week. We knew each other on a first name basis. Usually, when we would see each other out we would hug each other and sometimes I would give her a kiss on the cheek or on the forehead. We often touched each other in conversation. Usually when I hugged her I would rub her arms.
The vibes were excellent and I'm over 90% certain that she was, and is, interested. The last time I saw her she was with her boyfriend. I had to be discreet. I pulled her aside and said, "let's keep in touch, give me your number".
She gladly said sure and gave me both her dorm room number and her home number (she was home for spring break that week). It may be worthy to note that the boyfriend just came into the picture a few weeks ago, I've known her much longer than he.
I called her in her dorm room about five days later. She wasn't there so I left a message stating to call me back as soon as possible. I didn't call her at home.
Several nights passed. She called and said, "Terry?” I said, “Hi Karen!” She said "I don't know who you are".
She went on to say that she was curious as to who called her and that's why she called me back. I went on to tell her who I was, she recalled and we spoke for about ten minutes.
She said at the onset of the conversation that she was helping her boyfriend with his homework. I heard a couple of male voices in the background. She closed our conversation saying she had to get back to helping him. I closed saying I would call her back again sometime. (She knew exactly who I was! I would bet my life on it.)
This is not how I wanted this conversation to go. I wanted to suggest (not ask) lunch sometime this week. She really caught me off guard calling me back. I wasn't expecting that. I had already conceded that I would have to call a second time and I planned on doing that tomorrow night. The vibes though, were neutral to slightly negative. My mission went unaccomplished.
I'd like your spin on this Don. Why do you think she said she had no idea who I was? Why did she even call back in the first place? And finally, how would you handle this? What strategies would you implement? Should I fold'em if the next conversation is neutral to negative? Thanks again!! I apologize for the length. - Terry Knight, Washington DC
Steele sez! Let’s start with a few words of encouragement: This one’s still possible, but not easy! You have done some damage but possibly not irreparable.
Why did she pretend to not know who Terry was? Because she wanted to call you so she had to pretend in front of her boyfriend that she did not know you.
Why did she call back in the first place? Because she likes you and may want to take you as her older lover if you don’t fuck this up.
How could you do that? Here are the 40ish guy’s favorite ways of fucking the duck. (1) By being obvious so her boyfriend realizes something’s up. Why would you do that, you ask? Because you want her all to yourself, just like we all do. So you subconsciously make your presence felt and known. (2) By being jealous of her boyfriend fucking her before she goes out with you for a bite. Being jealous that he’s going to fuck her again when she comes home from being out with you. So what do jealous guys do? They pout, beg, get angry, threaten, wimp out, cry, whine and other unManly acts of desperation.
How do I know all this? Because this is what I used to do. Don’t eat your gun if you behave like this. It is probably not curable but certainly controllable.
How would I handle it? Ideally, you know where you can find her at work or after class. Be friendly but aloof and moderately indifferent. Talk about safe topics. Let her bring up the phone call or getting together. If she doesn’t, hand her your “interesting, conversation-starting business card,” and say, “Let me hear from you.
Gotta go.” Then go.
The next time she calls, be ready with a fun, interesting, exciting, different place (boys don’t go there) that you command or suggest she go with you. Chat for a bit first, then do the time limited bit and all the other tips and advice in getting a Pseudo Date in How to Date Young Women.
If you don’t know how to meet her in person without calling her, follow the advice in the topic below when you phone her.
Why not leave a message?
I have a question regarding the September 1997 newsletter. You addressed a man's question about girls not returning phone calls. Basically, his question was "Is it best to play just as hard to get". You raise plenty of good points. But the question remains, should the man play hard to get if she does not call back and the following criteria are met (1) She is under 25. (2) Enough has transpired for the two of you to have semi-set up a pseudo date or a lightweight date. (3) You're calling to set up a meeting/date, etc. (all business of course). I could be totally missing the gist of what you were trying to get across in your response. But any rate could you clarify your stance on this issue.
Steele sez! When she does not return this call it is because you gave her the opportunity to not return this call. That is, you did not talk to her. You left a message for her to call you back on her machine or with her roommate.
I forgot to explain that you must not leave a message for her the first few times you call her. Mea culpa! You must talk to her in person. You must not talk to her machine. You must not leave a message with her roommate. If the roommate answers the phone and you ask for Debbie and the roomie says she’s not home, say, “Thanks,” and hang up.
When you leave a message on her machine or with a roomie, you are making it too simple for her to take the easy way out. What’s the easy way? She says to herself, “I’ve got him. He wants me! I could have him if I wanted, ad nauseum,” therefore she does not have to take the chance and go out with an older, powerful (dangerous) man.
Further, her roomie is nosy times ten! Her roomie can tell that you are a Man. Her roomie is jealous and likes to gossip. Do not reveal any info about yourself or make any excuses. Caution: If the roomie begins with, “Who can I say is calling?” or some other nosy question, just hang up. She wants to know as do all Enquiring Minds who is calling. When you and your beloved get together again in person, tell her you called but you “didn’t know her situation, so you didn’t leave your name.” (Use that exact phrase! Mandatory!) Let her reveal what “her situation” is.
See the lengthy courtship lesson in How to Date Young Women when I used that exact phrase, then shut up while Lisa proceeded to reveal what time her boyfriend called work to check on her, then what time she was available and finally, when it was safe to call! Silence is powerful stuff when proceeded by the right words.
Two Hour Video of the May 3 Introductory Seminar is only $43 postpaid via priority mail. I will also have a tightly edited 90-minute audio cassette of the highlights of the day.
After watching the video, slam in the audio tape while you drive. I am a firm believer in REPETITION as the key to learning this indispensable skill of courtship and dating.
See it. Listen to it. Understand it. RETAIN it. Watch it again. Make notes. Listen to it again. READ the book again. Within a few weeks, the entire subject is burned into your memory. Then, when you are sitting in a cafe doing Body Language Secrets homework (watching couples and NOT listening to the words) your storehouse of information is readily available. BAM! Body Language becomes something you speak and read and transmit and receive!
Formal seminar
After Labor Day, we will hold our two day Body Language, Dress For Success With Young Women, How to Date Young Women, Conversational Skills, Social Gathering Fundamentals, Meet Her Methods, Courtship Basics, Defeating Your Shyness workshop. Joanna and I will work together with several other young women and no more than thirty men all day Saturday and all day Sunday. Write or email on how to reserve your spot.
All orders to Steel Balls Press, Box 807, Whittier CA 90608
All email to don@steelballs.com
Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship And Dating - $24
Office Politics: The Woman’s Guide To Beat The System - $24
Sexpectations - $16
Threesome - $24
How To Dump Your Wife - $24
The Stupid Gazette: True newspaper articles of stupid people in action. - $24
2-hour Video Don versus Montel, Jones, Whitney and Body Language Intro $24
Audio Tape Set: Three-90-minute cassettes, Update since 1987 and explanation of the finer points as well as repetition and reinforcement of the fundamentals. Four and one half hours of me at my best! $39. (The most useful supplement to How to Date Young Women!)
Specials available when ordering direct from Steel Balls Press:
SPECIAL I: How To Date Young Women and Body Language Secrets only $39 if ordered together direct from Steel Balls Press.
SPECIAL II: Office Politics and 2-Hour Video only $39 if ordered together.
SPECIAL III. Audio Tape Set plus Office Politics, only $49 if ordered together.
Z-WHOLE THING! Body Language Secrets ($24) Office Politics ($24) Audio Tape Set ($39) Video Tape ($24) not $111 but only $89 postpaid via priority mail!
For more information, visit the Steel Balls Press website today.
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