The Backlash! - February 1998

American Coalition for Fathers and Children

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A Grief-Stricken Little Girl is Heard

Monday morning fathers rights story on NPR's "Morning Edition
Monday December 29, 1997

by Dave Usher, Chairman

The harmful effect of family-court restraining order abuse on children was a key focus of a news feature scheduled for broadcast on National Public Radio's "Morning Edition" program Monday morning, December 29, 1997.

Focusing on events in Massachusetts, NPR reporter Tovia Smith covered both sides of an important debate about the pros and cons of restraining orders as a tool to combat violence in the home. She interviewed judges, legislators, mothers, fathers, and children as she put together a picture of the decidedly mixed results of court restraining orders.

She uncovered the hidden side of restraining orders -- the way they are used in assembly-line rubber-stamp fashion to initiate "preemptive" divorce actions.

This hidden abuse of restraining orders has nothing to do with preventing violence in the home, according to some of her sources, and everything to do with striking the first blow in an a divorce fight that often involves hundreds of thousands of dollars in family assets.

"The prevailing belief about court restraining orders is that they can do no harm, and are predominantly used to prevent violence," said David Usher, who heads the American Coalition of Fathers and Children Missouri Coalition. "But a significant large number of restraining orders are issued within non-violent families who would do far better if the system were to help them work through the normal processes of marriage and aging. When lawyers and politicians inject this legislative discord into so many non-violent intact families, spouses are immediately moved into the statistically highest-risk category of separated families. Separated "families" is where 76% to 96% of serious domestic conflict takes place, with or without a restraining order, with slightly over half of such violence initiated by the woman. In order to reduce spousal violence, and to truly help and protect women and children, the large body of credible reports suggest that we must reform restraining orders to act on objective fact, not fear."

The resulting harm to children is incalculable, as Tovia Smith's story shows. The climax of the 'Morning Edition' story is a taped phone call from the weeping eight-year-old daughter of James Parakis, of Lynn, Massachusetts.

Mr. Parakis - whose tenderness and concern for his daughter are obvious in the program - is nonetheless under a lifetime restraining order. The lawyers representing his former wife, in their effort to dominate in court, sought and achieved a lifetime restraining order whose issuance was, by Mr. Parakis' account, whimsical in the extreme.

In the tape-recorded phone call of Parakis' eight-year-old daughter, she wails and begs to know when her father will be able to see her or call her on the phone. But, because of the restraining order abuse by the Massachusetts Courts, the answer is "never."

"This child is suffering," says Mr. Parakis on the program. "Listen to that. This is child abuse."

Though it is not mentioned in the NPR story, Mr. Parakis was arrested in church for a restraining order "violation" - for merely attending his daughter's First Communion.

Four Factors Invite Restraining Order Abuse

According to various national authorities, the child-damaging effects of restraining orders stem from four little-noticed factors:

  1. They are issued by politically-alert judges who feel severe pressure from "domestic violence advocates" who have made a cult out of restraining orders. Judges, therefore feel afraid to truly consider the overall welfare of families.

  2. Some states, like Massachusetts, ask for absurdly low levels of evidence before issuing an order. In Massachusetts, restraining orders are issued on a mere statement of "fear," with no evidence of abuse being necessary. These complaints are not even covered by provisions of perjury law. In some states, domestic restraining orders are issued merely on the basis of a fax from a women's abuse center without hearing or opportunity to reply.

  3. The "day in court" for the recipient exists in name only. "Restraining orders are ultimately issued simply because the petitioner wants it, not because someone has done something threatening or violent. The recipient, usually a husband and father, comes to court expecting a chance to defend himself, only to find out that whether or not he did anything is basically immaterial," said Usher. "In some cases, the judge actually tells the father of a family to shut up - and then, with the stroke of a pen - drives the children away from their father for a period of a year, or five years, or even in the most disgusting cases, for life."

  4. A national computer system now exists in which all restraining order recipients are recorded for life, with no possibility of having their names removed. "Were we to track the few clinically-ill violent abusers of women, the system could serve a meaningful purpose," said Usher; "But to place half of all divorced men into this database, on the sole basis of fear, brings to mind the lists kept by McCarthy in his quest for identifying communists." "The perverse carrot-and-stick legal setup - which excuses the complainant from any real risk of prosecution for perjury while guaranteeing the recipient a lifetime computerized stigma - clearly and openly invites abuse by the resentful, the angered, the punishers, or the vindictive," said Mark Charalambous, founder of the Massachusetts Fatherhood Coalition.

This abuse does, in fact, occur often. The files of Massachusetts groups like the Fatherhood Coalition, and the Fathers Group of Metro Boston contain scores of examples of absurdly unfair restraining orders and cruel years-long injury of children, women, and men.

Children Respond with Grief

In our political inquisition to find spousal abuse under every rock, we have created a system that manufactures its own form of abuse - predominantly child abuse," said Usher. "It is our moral duty as a society to assure that all children have a right to receive parental benefits from fit parents, even if those parents do not get along perfectly. But we have fearfully failed many millions of children, forcing them to suffer the living death of a parent who was good to the child - and these children well know it. The pain of Jim Parakis' daughter rests squarely on the shoulders of politicians and judges who value 'fear' more than they do the best interests of children."

For more information - and in some cases for local sources who can speak about restraining order abuse in your area - please contact:

The broadcast

NPR's presentation was fairly equal in its coverage. The length of the story was 8.5 minutes....in itself a victory of sorts. We must now reinforce the notion that father's issues are reportable and news worthy issues to NPR. Please distribute to your lists. A description of the segment available at NPR

On December 29, 1997, NPR ran another segment titled, Deadbeat Dads, in which NPR's Steve Inskeep reported on an increase in the collection of delinquent payments from parents who owe child support. Despite that increase and a nationwide crackdown on deadbeat dads, the Government Accounting Office estimates that 24 million children still receive no payments at all. Some jurisdictions have begun taking away drivers' licenses and even the cars of those whose payments are in arrears.

They stated that only 20% of fathers pay, that 24 million children don't get child support, etc. They talked to Jensen of Aces, etc. The twist of the facts is obvious to the knowledgeable.

With Real Audio you can listen to both stories.

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