Men's Health endorses Steele
"If you want to date young women, Steele's book is a must."
A Lifetime of Sex : The Ultimate Manual on Sex, Women, and Relationships for Every Stage of a Man's Life, by Stephen C. George, K. Winston Caine. $32! Cheapest at amazon.com, $22.37. BIG BOOK! 576 pages. Dimensions 1.56 x 9.44 x 6.82
Live Young Girls, October 1998 - Excerpts from my interview with Alex Patterson, Managing Editor of Crescent Pubs. The article includes the nude photo of Joanna and me from page 206 of The Revised Edition. They did a much better job than the printer! On your newsstands now! Get it.
Are bitter women hopeless?
You say that by the time women reach their 30's many have become bitter and hardened. Is the damage irreversible? If not, how can you spot the ones that can bloom again? - Gene O’Roark, Nashville.
Steele sez!: Bitterness is what long term resentment turns into. Resentment is what unexpressed anger turns into. Anger is what one feels when one is hurt or indignant. Anger is a survival emotion, as normal and natural as crying or joy.
When you step on your female cat’s tail by accident, she does not, grit her teeth and maintain an image of feminine decorum, now does she. She gets angry, hisses, bares her teeth ready to fight and kill, sticks out her claws and whacks you on the leg.
She expresses her anger from the hurt you caused her. Her anger enabled her to stop you from hurting her. Survival!
By expressing her anger, you stop hurting her (move your foot). So, in only a matter of minutes, the relationship you have with you cat goes right back to healthy and normal.
Question 1: Is the damage irreversible?
Answer 1: First you have to know what caused the damage to see if it can be reversed. Here’s how women become bitter and hard.
In our culture, women are indoctrinated against expressing anger when they are hurt or feel indignant. Instead, when they are hurt they are taught to cry. To compound the neurosis our culture induces, men are indoctrinated to never cry when they feel sadness, helplessness or pain. In fact, to never cry under any circumstances, even death. Instead they are taught that the only emotion permitted to a Real Man is anger.
So, a typical young couple marries. The man never cries. The woman never gets angry. Rather, the woman sits on her anger for three or four years, then in one defining moment she loses her temper and goes on a wild rampage of destruction, both physical and verbal.
A few weeks after it’s over, she is shocked by her behavior and vows to never get angry again because she hurt her children, her husband and her parents as well as embarrassing herself completely. Her humiliation is caused by what she sincerely believes a female is supposed to be like and behave like.
The man in this situation is stunned by the ferocity of her anger. He had no idea she was angry. He had no idea he was irritating her every day by leaving the wet towel on the floor, forgetting to shop, ridiculing her mother and on and on because she did not express her anger, thus he kept hurting her.
She begins to resent him about the second year and deeply after their first child. I could go on with the dynamics of how a marriage dies, but you only need to know that this is the fate of couples who do not know how to express what their feelings are, especially negative emotions. Which couples are those? All of them, save a very few.
So, they divorce. She is 28 with custody of two kids, has no job skills and has to work at an entry level job. She’s tired every night. Her parents lay guilt trips on her. Her ex-husband hassles her. Her children become burdens, not joys.
Every time she meets a guy, she has to chase around for baby sitters so he soon disappears. The only guys who will date her are divorced men who also have children. That’s not much fun. She wants to go back and be young again, to live, to enjoy life and sex and men.
Every attempt at getting her needs met ends in hurt at the hands of a man who does not want to “get too involved,” so he uses her and drops her. She is frustrated at every turn. She is disappointed in life and love. She is hurt and disillusioned. She is lonely and horny. This is the state she lives in for years on end, with no relief in sight.
Now you know how she feels and you know why. Can she stop being this way and become a new, different, happy human being?
As a Biocentric Humanistic Psychologist, I say, of course she can. I have worked with many women in this predicament and seen them stick with it until they recover their joy for life go on to live happily ever after. I have also seen women in this plight come into therapy and quit after only six weeks. Why some stick with it and why some don’t is explained by the somewhat circular argument, “To change, the client has to really want to change.”
In Biocentric Therapy, the client goes through a process of self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-assertiveness and accepting personal responsibility for her life. That is the pathway back to being an integrated, whole human being.
To travel this road, the woman must be brave (must want to change) above all else. She must go back in her life and relive the pain and sorrow and fear, and even terror, as well as moments of horrible trauma. She must be aware of how she avoids these feelings today.
She must accept that these things happened to her and that she alone is responsible for accepting what it means to her and her future.
She must assert herself and change how she behaves and reacts toward her parents, children, ex-husband, boss, female friends and even service people. She must accept full, complete and total responsibility for her life from this moment forward.
Implied question: Are there very many women who can overcome their bitterness.
Answer: No, not many. Most women fester there until after menopause. About seven years later, many women are able to accept that the world is the way it is and that they were operating on a faulty set of principles. These women are also able to see that their parents and society are, and were, wrong to teach them that they would only be a success if they became a "good wife and mother." The rest are grumpy, angry, bitter old ladies.
Question 2: If not, how can you spot the ones that can bloom again?
Answer 2: To spot one who has potential, look for a woman who has already decided what the post menopausal women above decide.
Warning: Don't try to change anybody! She is what she chooses to be, just as you are what you choose to be. We are what we do, or do not do. Doing or not doing is a choice.
Crescent Pubs Interview
Available from Steel Balls Press:
Don talks with Patterson for a solid 30 minutes! (Bonus! One full hour of excerpts from Seminars, TV Shows, Radio Shows!) Get this audio tape of the entire interview, uncut, uncensored!
As always, brutal honesty: Dealing with their post-adolescent angst. What happens to them at 25 after exposure to Randy RedPorsche. Steele tells his readers the truth, “You’ll only be able to date 10 percent of them. This is not easy. You will not be getting laid a few days after reading my books. It takes time, patience and persistence.”
The ideal young woman for a 40ish divorced guy. Why you have to be a Man and why nothing less will work. The foundations of Body Language Secrets from his work with Nathaniel Branden. Why young women are so subtle in the beginning and how to recognize and deal with that. Mandatory review of On Not Being Too Nice. $9.95 via first class.
The other man
I am going out with a great young lady, Josephine. She is 26. The only problem is that there is another older guy, Max. He knew her first and was seeing her for about six months before I knew her. Josephine says they are just friends. But, they have been camping together. They see each other once a week. I believe that they have slept together. Maybe they still do.
He is trying to get Josephine on some sort of guilt trip. He is falling apart because of a custody fight that he is going through with his ex-wife. He seems to have Josephine thinking that he will jump out a window if she does not come and hold his hand. I am sure that he wants her to hold other parts of his body as well.
What is also strange is that he seems to be putting Josephine down. All he does is complain about his problems and how she is not supporting him. He has her hooked into a guilt thing with his son needing Josephine for companionship. She has been taking care of the guy like he is some sort of a wounded puppy.
We have only been sleeping with each other for a few weeks. I feel that giving her an ultimatum would backfire. I really do not like this Max guy hanging around. It gives me the creeps.
Josephine is going in the direction of getting rid of this loser. She is talking badly about him. Even though I believe I am well on my way to being steady with Josephine, this Max guy will be pulling her back from time to time with the guilt trip thing.
I have no divorce or custody issues to deal with but this guy does. In the old days I would say, look Josephine, it is him or me. Get that loser away from you.
Should I be patient? Should I keep my other girlfriends (String of Pearls) and just not care?
Steele sez!: Wow! That’s hard on the ego and hard on the heart. However, one of the disadvantages of dating young women is that they are ignorant, they lack knowledge, they don’t know certain things that we old farts assume is tribal knowledge.
For example, that newly divorced men, especially one with a child, and worse, going through a custody battle, are troubled and trouble. She may realize she doesn’t want that mess in her life, then again, she may not. Only you know when enough is enough.
First, what I would do and what you should do are not the same things. I am not you.
Each of us is different. Each of us has a set of values that we live by and judge ourselves by. If you want to like yourself, admire yourself, respect yourself, then this above all else, be a man! Think to yourself, what would a Man that you admire and respect do? Then do just that.
I can guarantee you that if you start going out with other women and she knows that is happening, that will be the end of Max.
Should she confront you about it, say, "You don't seem ready for a one-man relationship." Then shut up. Don't answer questions. Don't explain why. Just repeat that statement no matter what she does or says, then leave or hang up.
Do not issue ultimatums. You are the only person you can control. Choose how you are going to respond to her behavior. You must take care of yourself first, then everything else takes care of itself. I suggest calling up some of those swinging singles you met on the way down the age ladder and stepping back for a while. Once she realizes she’s going to be left with Max instead of having her cake and eating it too, perhaps she’ll decide that she wants much more out of life other than nursing some other woman’s child and ex-husband.
I say again, you are the only person you can control in this situation. Take care of yourself.
Body Language Secrets
Available from Steel Balls Press:
A Guide During Courtship And Dating
This book will help you find, meet, talk with and date the right kind of woman. Steele tells you honestly and bluntly how you can make the right impression and a have big impact at every social gathering. 50 photos, plus his sound methods and practical advice let you know what to look for as well as what to watch out for!
Learn how you can tell from across the room if she’s interested by her gestures and the way she changes her posture. During conversation, find out if she’s leading you on or if she’s sincerely interested in you.
Don’t get shot down by approaching a woman who is not interested in you. Pay attention to what she’s “saying” without words. $18.95 plus $5 shipping via priority mail.
Webcast Radio Show: You can hear the complete show as Joanna and I discuss Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship And Dating. Go to Lovelife and tune in!
Time out!
The Perfect Day, Hers
8:45: Gently woken up to hugs and kisses.
9:00: 5 lbs lighter on the scale!
9:30: Light Breakfast
11:00: Sunbathe
12:30: Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45: Shopping
2:30: Run into ex. Notice he's gained 10 lbs.
2.45: Run into ex’s new girlfriend. Notice she's gained 20lbs.
3:00: Facial, massage, nap.
7:30: Intimate candlelight dinner for two, and slow, romantic dancing.
10:00: Make love.
1:30: Pillow talk then fall asleep in his big strong arms.
The Perfect Day, His
7:00-7:30: Shower and massage.
7:30-7:45: Blowjob.
7:45-8:15: Massive dump while reading the sports section.
8:15: Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys ready in the back seat.
8:30: Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30: Play front nine holes in 35
11:30-12:30: Lunch. 2 dozen oysters, 6 Heinekens.
12:30-12:45: Blowjob.
12:45-2:30: Play back nine holes in 32.
2:30: Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini ready in the back seat.
3:30-6:15: Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female supermodel-type crew (topless). Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed, lobster appetizers, 9 Heinekens, nap.
6:15-6:30: Blowjob.
6:30: Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30: Shit, shower, shave.
8:00-9:00: Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal which involves graphic pictures and large farmyard animals.
9:00-10:00: Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettuchini Alfredo, Chateau Laffite Rothschild 1963 (magnum), creme brulet, Louis XIV Cognac, Cohiba Lancero.
10:30-11:30: Vigorous, acrobatic, interactive sex with 3 women.
11:30-12:00: Whirlpool, steam and massage.
Midnight: Pass out in front of the TV after one final blowjob. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave!
Skipping age rungs?
I have a question about working down the age ladder. Background: I've read both How to Date Young Women and Body Language Secrets and I attended your seminar. I've been working on meeting and dating young women for only about five or six months now. So far I've found meeting them, talking to them, and picking up some signs of interest from a few to be reasonably easy. However, I've had only limited success getting past the early stages of courtship. I know that I need some work on "the right attitude" and body language but this is not the main subject of this email.
In trying to assess my progress, I think I may have skipped a few rungs on the age ladder. The last serious relationship I had ended about a year ago. She was 37 and I was 45. Since then I've dated women over 35 and women under 25. The big hole is in the 25 to 35 range. Women around my age are extremely easy to meet and date. First, there seems to be a high percentage of women in this age group that are available (divorced). Secondly, this is the group from which family and friends seem to find an endless supply of candidates to set me up with. After reading How to Date Young Women, I found meeting women in the under 25 age group to be easy and a high percentage are not yet married. I think it was this that lulled me into skipping the intermediate group (25 to 35).
Now that I consider going back and filling in the gap, I find it harder to meet women in the 25 to 35 age range. Young women are easy to meet by doing the things outlined in your book. They're the clerks in the stores, the waitresses in the restaurants, etc. But, I don't encounter so many in the 25 to 35 range and when I do they're more likely to be married (not long enough to be divorced yet). Do you have any words of advice on meeting women in this category? - Garth Marcusi, Tacoma WA
Steele sez!: If you want to end up on the 22 year old rungs of the age ladder, this is no problem. However, if you want to be certain you are not missing something up the ladder a few years, you'll have to climb back up a bit.
I don't think it has much to do with your situation. That is if you are dating under 25 year olds and banging their brains out. If you are dating them and not doing that, there is a problem. On this, I'm not clear.
As to how you meet women in that age range, as stated in How to Date Young Women, they are scarce since by that age they are mostly married or living with someone. I met them at work or through Political Action Committees.
The main problem with 25-35 year olds is that they see you as a marriable, thus everything gets complicated quickly as she evaluates you to see if you have honorable intentions.
So, before I can help further, I need to know if you are mating or just dating under 25 year olds. If you are mating, is it all over after one or two beddings? If so, that is an entirely different problem. Please advise.
Garth sez: I am only dating so far. Sorry, for the confusion. I’m successful at meeting many and dating a couple. But, I’ve not been able to get very far in the courtship cycle before they lose interest.
I wonder if skipping the intermediate rungs of the age ladder has caused a problem. Further thoughts on the subject would be appreciated.
Steele sez!: Yes, skipping that age group without dating and mating with them is part of the problem. All men face THE PROBLEM during this turning point in your life. What is it? A lack of confidence. I did, and so does every other guy who starts over at 40ish.
So how do you develop confidence? Well, you must be successful again and again with younger and younger women until you know in your bones that you are going to be successful this time. Or, if not this time, the time after this. Then, she becomes no big deal to you. So, guess what, you relax. Once you relax, you look confident. When you look confident, you are confident. End of problem.
Go back up the age ladder to the 37-42 year old range. Take care of Mr. Happy all the time as explained elsewhere. Circulate. Get out of your ruts. Join clubs. Get active in politics. Save the Whales, whatever.
The more people you meet, male or female, the better. You will bump into a few people who just glow, vibrate on your wavelength. Hook up with them. They are worth everything as friends and will be sources for exciting friendships and avenues to new relationships.
Once you are dating that 32 year old you met at Ernie’s birthday party, a 28 year old will be attracted to you. After you are dating her, that beauty of 26 will come on to you at your Jed’s houseboat party. This is explained in detail in my new book Advanced Skills, Volume II, estimated to be available in November.
As you climb down the age ladder you will learn how the younger ones think and how they decide if you are worthy. To quote my favorite author: The younger they are, the harder they are and the harder you get!
It is worth the time, energy, patience and perseverance it takes to break that 25 year old barrier. Down there, they are full of hopes and dreams, energetic and A-L-I-V-E! Their optimism and vitality infects you. Life becomes worth living, again. Climb back up, so you can climb back down. She will climb on!
Screwed by tattoo
I was wondering, do you know anything about tattoo removal with laser surgery? I have a small tattoo on my left arm that has several different colors in it and I’m wanting to get it removed soon. I am extremely self conscious about having it and I deeply regret ever doing it.
They quoted $3200 (way too much). However, I’ve heard that if you can get a psychologist or psychiatrist to say that the tattoo is causing you emotional problems, then insurance will cover the cost of having it removed. It sounds absolutely bogus, but if it’s true then I would like to take advantage of that, because I think I can find a mental health practitioner who would give me the referral for it.
Also, do you think that by having this tattoo on my arm I lessen my chances with women. I actually have an almost-ripped physique so I wonder if that would compensate for the tattoo? - Manny Rodriquez, 24, Nashville TN
Steele sez!: Don’t know what “ripped” means unless you’re a weight lifter?
Manny sez: Yes, I workout with weights five times a week, and I run three miles everyday. I do it out of vanity rather than health.
Steele sez!: As to a good body compensating for a tattoo, I don’t think so. A tattoo puts you in a different category in everyone’s perception. Among the young, trendy crowd it’s cool to be as stupid as everyone else. To the young, conservative crowd you’re a dropout or loser of some type. When you get older, like 30, people will think you were in prison. Do what you gotta do to lose the tattoo.
Without investigating, that psycho stuff is probably legit, the way health insurance bureaucrats think. Cop a plea. Take the money and run.
2-Hour video
Available from Steel Balls Press:
Body Language And Dress For Success
Joanna is spectacular! Frank! Funny! Bold! Honest! We captured everything by taping with two cameras the entire time. We shot it before a large group of guys who own HTDYW and are interested in Joanna’s forthcoming book Dress For Success With Young Women.
Joanna, volunteers from the audience and I demonstrate the key signs of interest and disinterest, both from across the room and when engaged in verbal intercourse.
Joanna presents her views on No no’s, Hair, Teeth and any subject the guys wanted to hear about: Joanna ranged from a sex with young woman through toupees, SUVs, pickup trucks, t-shirts, jeans, sideburns, music, hair dyes, long hair, sports cars, earrings, Dockers, penny loafers, and on and on. Extremely informative as well as fun and entertaining. I also have a tightly edited 90-minute audio cassette of the highlights of the day. Only 4 audio tapes left. Buyers of video get it for free.
After watching the video, slam in the audio tape while you drive. I am a firm believer in repetition as the key to learning this indispensable skill of courtship and dating.
See it. Listen to it. Understand it. Retain it. Watch it again. Make notes. Listen to it again. Read the book again. Within a few weeks, the entire subject is burned into your memory. Then, when you are sitting in a cafe doing Body Language Secrets homework (watching couples and not listening to the words) your storehouse of information is readily available. BAM! Body Language becomes something you speak, read, transmit and receive! $39.95 postpaid via priority mail.
Office politics for men?
I read your book Office Politics, even though I wasn't the intended audience, I got quite a bit out of it. Here, at my version of your General Cow, you hit the mark on many things. I appreciate your spin. I'd like your input on my situation. I'm 41 years old, spent 10 years going part-time to school to get BSEE (’93) and am half way through on an MBA (hopefully 2000). Any modification or additional information on your 10-15 year plan for someone in my shoes. Keep it up and don't let 'em get ya. - Mike, Just TX
Steele sez!: Thanks for the kind words. As to what you do at 41 versus 24, say to yourself "What do I want to be doing at 51? How much money do I need to do that? With my skills where can I make the most money?” You must have, as you know from reading OP, “screw you” money.
That may sound glib, but it's not. Think about having to do what you do right now for ten more years! Unless you love it, you have to be working toward doing what you love to do. As you know from reading OP, my goal was as much free time as possible! I don’t know what yours is.
As an engineer in an aerospace company, you don’t get to work directly with very many women, right? Think about that when you’re thinking about your options. I worked as a consult and temp and contractor for engineering and aerospace. The most women are in the smaller companies. The beauty of being a contractor is that you change companies often. At each company, you get to start over with the women there. You get to choose from the a new smorgasbord of females who are interested in you. At every company, you will make contacts and friends that will help you in your career. Staying with one company is stagnation and social death. Change and variety is the spice of life and your sex life.
Please recommend OP to any guy friends as well as using it for a conversation starter with young women. Most men don't realize how appropriate it is to them. And, most men have a difficult time saying they don't know something. Therefore men don’t buy books about how to date women or how to get ahead in their business life. Like, dude what else is there? Work and sex?
Why? To admit they “don't know” is the equivalent of being a failure in most men’s value system.
Remember the bit in OP where I explain to women to immediately notice when a man says, "I don't know." They are to put him on their list of “people I want to work for.”
As Confucius said, Wisdom begins when you know that you don’t know. Not knowing isn’t weakness or failure. Refusing to learn, is.
New special
Available only when ordering direct from Steel Balls Press:
Crescent Pubs interview and Office Politics only $20 postpaid priority!
Office Politics: The [Young] Woman’s Guide To Beat The System
Here’s everything and more I’ve shared with my young wives, lovers, and female friends across the years. It’s a powerful tool to get, then keep, her attention.
I guarantee this to be a foolproof conversation starter anywhere. Better, it’s the perfect means to make her think about you when you’re not around.
Put your interesting conversation-starting business card in it as a book marker. Write your name and address on the inside cover. When the opportunity arises, lend it to her.
Now she has your office phone, home phone and knows where you live. She will probably drive by to check out your lifestyle by inspecting your neighborhood. She might even “accidentally” bump into you. And, you might even experience an unusual feeling that she “was nearby the other day.”
Plus, she now sees you as a guy she can learn something from. You discovered the crucial importance of this in the chapter Talk With Her.
Added Extra! Many guys have taken it to work and left it on their desk. A woman picks it up, leafs through it and Tah Da! she wants a copy. When she passes it around, several other women want copies. You become the contact. Your options are instantly increased as stressed.
Many guys give it to get her attention, then move on up the courtship ladder! It’s a gift that’s non-committal but personal. A gift that says without words, “You’re smart. I like you.” Dynamite! Big and thick! 352 pages, printed on quality paper and it looks sharp!
Dad's immigrant dates
Enjoyed your tapes! My father is in his early 60s and twice divorced. He has given up on American women. He concentrates on foreign nationals in their 40s since they aren't as greedy. He knows several languages well enough to get conversations going. Mostly he likes Asians and Europeans. Maybe that's a slant to check on. - No Name Please.
Steele sez!: Replay the tapes as often as possible for a month. Then let them sit for a couple of months. Then play them over and over again. Repetition is the key to making it become automatic.
Immigrants? Not for me. If she can’t speak the King’s English, I’m not interested. As to greedy? I believe most immigrant women are looking for a Green Card, not romance and love. If you Dad is happy going down that road, I say, go for it. Whatever spins your propeller.
Audio tape set
New from Steel Balls Press:
Three-90-minute cassettes, Update since 1987 and explanation of the finer points as well as repetition and reinforcement of the fundamentals. Four and one half hours of me at my best! An entertaining easy way to learn. $39. The most useful supplement to How to Date Young Women!
Special: Office Politics and Tape Set only $49 postpaid via priority mail.
Advanced Skills - Volume II
How To Date Young Women For Men Over 35
Everything I’ve learned the hard way since 1987 plus everything guys have asked about in over 4000 letters, 2000 emails and in person at the seminars. Details, new techniques, common questions. The damn-near-final manuscript is almost 400 pages long! compared with the Revised Edition’s 208! ETA November ‘98. $22.95 plus shipping and handling
Specials available only when ordering direct from Steel Balls Press:
Special I: How To Date and Body Language Secrets only $39 postpaid via priority if ordered together.
Special II: Office Politics and TV Show Video only $39 if ordered together. Postpaid via priority.
Special III: Audio Tape Set plus Office Politics, only $49 if ordered together. Postpaid via priority.
New Special IV: Crescent Pubs Interview and Office Politics only $20 if ordered together. Postpaid via priority.
Big Johnson: Body Language Secrets ($24) Office Politics ($24) Audio Tape Set ($39) TV Show Video Tape ($24) Body Language/Dress For Success Video ($39.95) Crescent Pubs Interview Audio Tape not $160.95 but only $119 postpaid via priority mail!
Damaged Books: Here’s your chance to save! Not $24 each, but only $12 for Office Politics or Body Language Secrets via 4th class. One corner is slightly damaged, but they are presentable and readable. Both for only $19 via via priority.
All orders to Steel Balls Press, Box 807, Whittier CA 90608
All email to don@steelballs.com
Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship And Dating
Office Politics: The Woman’s Guide To Beat The System
Sexpectations
Threesome
How To Dump Your Wife
For more information, visit the Steel Balls Press website today.
|