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But as he sees it now, and it is his and the family's decision, there will be a gathering of all who wish at Paul's house on Memorial Day Sunday at 2:00 PM. which, I guess, is next Sunday. It is to be pot luck; bring something to eat and we will play it from there. This is a very tough time for Paul, Jr., and he goes from being well in control to losing it, as you might imagine. I suspect that a separate tribute of some sort involving just Men's group people would be in order and that does not involve the family....one can only ask them to go through this once. I think contributions would be in order. Paul was very deeply in debt and I am sure the family could use some help with the bills. This was actually a suggestion of Susan Burns, one of Paul's counseling side-kicks, but I think it is a good one. More later, John Page
There will be a gathering for his family and all his many friends at his home in Kenmore on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, May 30th, at 2:00 p.m. It's a potluck. Paul Jr. says, "bring a story about my Dad."
19502 61st NE It is traditional to send flowers or to make a donation to a charity of the deceased's choice. Well, Paul's unstinting generosity of his own time, money and energy has been at great cost, financial as well as otherwise. Perhaps the most suitable memorial is to help with the debts he incurred in the service of others. Feel free to send a check to "Paul Shaner" at the above addess, as your memorial. Neither Paul nor his family would think of making a request like this. The request is the kindhearted suggestion of a professional colleague. I grieve, especially, for Paul Jr. Paul was named Paul LeRoy Shaner, and his parents always called him LeROY. He named his son Paul Wade Shaner. Paul Jr.'s mother died just this April, so he suffes the loss of both parents in a very short time. People wishing to leave a phone message for Paul Jr. and those who loved Paul may do so at (425) 495-9482. In tribute to our brother Paul, Bert Hoff
John Page called me this evening, May 18, 1999, with the very sad news that around 6PM Pacific Daylight Time Paul Shaner died of a massive coronary. He was 58. Paul was the first editor of the widely respected Seattle M.E.N. magazine, co-founder of the first US chapter of MERGE (Movement for the Establishment of Real Gender Equality), co-founder of the Gang of Six, and a good friend. Only a few weeks ago Paul wrote, "my overall goals are to be in some academic or semiacademic men's studies type of position. I may die before there is funding for this sort of thing, but I am in training." He had high ideals, lofty goals, and his commitment has been a source of inspiration to us all. He will be sorely missed.
If you would like to add your comments and memories about Paul, email them to me and I will post them here.
As you know, Paul Shaner died yesterday, May 18th, of what appears to have been a very massive coronary. He was found in his small office computer room fallen over in his chair by his 5:30 client. His body was taken to the Flintoft Funeral Home in Issaquah for cremation tomorrow evening. There is no visitation or viewing. Dinne and I have just returned from there, and the plans call for a gathering of all his many friends at his home in Kenmore three weeks from now, the Sunday after Memorial Day. Further details will be forthcoming as they are made. Paul died suddenly, and, he would be happy to know, well dressed. Please pass this message along. I will let you know of any further developments in the plans.
Paul became my life long friend in 1979, when at the age of 15 he was my counselor at northshore youth services. A high risk teenager at the time, Paul gave me guidance and direction in my life. He encouraged my creativity and intellect. He introduced me to volunteerism, laughter, leadership, and most important of all, clam digging. Paul remained a treasured friend into my adulthood. I would not be the person I am today without him. He was likely the most stubborn, generous, and honest man I have ever met. I deeply respected Paul for his commitment to help others while being his own man. Granted this proved to be a little irritating at times, as I could never win a debate with him. My heart is broken today. I will so miss his friendship, laughter, guidance, strawberry shortcake and the intermittent chaos that came with being his friend.
I have known Paul for over 20 years. It has been of late a correspondence relationship. When I am in Seattle, I always stay at Paul's, since I am originally from Seattle. I have really only loved two men and one was Paul Shaner. Paul Shaner always made me think. He taught me to see that men have feelings too and to not be so harsh when judging the actions of my ex-husband. He had the best hugs. He was a voracious reader. He taught me to make stain glass and in my Lexington, Kentucky, windows I have three in separate windows that we made together. I left Seattle for Sanaa, Yemen with my children. Paul was the first one to send me a card. It meant so much. He was always there for me. Last summer he was on my radio show, Tuck Talk, talking about men's issues and the value of friendship. I can not stop crying. Paul would e mail me frequently. I was so impressed with the newsletter he sent me in February. Just last week he wished me and my twins a happy birthday since we all have the same birthday, May 8th. I am a better person because of Paul. In the early 80s we both loved the author John Irving, esp. the movie: The World According to Garp, but our favorite was, The New Hotel New Hampshire. We loved the last line: "keep passing the open windows"...we would always say that to one another in our writings. Really neither one of us knowing exactly what it meant. Paul was always there for me. The last time I was there (l995), he let me borrow his truck and we had not finished the Tlinkit-Haida stain glass he was teaching me to make; he got up at 4 in the morning and finished it for me, so I could take it back on the plane. I cry now each time I enter my kitchen and see the light shining thru it. He had brown eyes that twinkled. He had a great voice. He had great hair, but most of all he had the most comassionate of all hearts and souls. I keep asking God if he really needed Paul? Why, I just know we needed him more. I am only comforted when I realize that he is looking after all of us and yes....he is passing the open windows. Susan Tuck, Lexington, KY |
Paul, Jr. asked me Thursday night to help him on Friday, and Dinnie and I were up there all day yesterday. He kept himself busy cleaning out his father's house, I think to avoid having to make more psychologically demanding decisions.