backlash.com - October 1999

Dr. Warren Farrell's book
Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say
(and other writings) vs.
Susan Faludi’s Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man

Updated September 27, 1999

Similarities Two feminists discover men are in need of attention and empathy. Farrell says, in The Myth of Male Power (1993) and in Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (1999), that domestic violence is a momentary act of power designed to compensate for a deeper experience of powerlessness. Faludi says, in Stiffed (1999), the same thing. Farrell explains, in The Myth of Male Power (1993), the promise of war that was undelivered to soldiers returning from Viet Nam; Faludi gives similar explanations in Stiffed (1999). Farrell empathizes with the working class man in The Myth of Male Power (1993); Faludi gives similar empathy in Stiffed (1999). Differences When Farrell deviated from his feminist advocacy (the only man in the US ever elected three times to the Board of Directors of the National Organization for Women in New York City) to empathize with men in Why Men Are The Way They Are (1986) and The Myth of Male Power (1993), Faludi viciously attacked him, as she did with Betty Friedan, who made the same transition with The Second Stage. Faludi claimed that Farrell must have been motivated by money, (though Farrell had previously accounted to her his considerable drop in income). Although Faludi has modified her own intellectual position to be much closer to Farrell’s, she has not yet acknowledged that Farrell’s and Friedan’s earlier empathy for men came at their considerable expense. Farrell considers Faludi an extraordinarily good writer and creative thinker, and feels Stiffed is proof of her openness and courage. There are, though, still many differences between Faludi and Farrell.... Faludi Farrell Faludi largely ignores or agrees with feminist-generated myths about men. Examples: Men batter women more than women batter men. Women do two jobs; men do one. We live in a male-dominated, patriarchal society in which men use their power to oppress women. Men earn more than women for the same work. Farrell confronts feminist-generated myths about men. He documents why: Women and men batter each other equally. Men’s total work load is even greater than women’s. Both women’s and men’s roles were dominated by the needs of survival. Neither sex had rights: Women raised children; men raised money. Today, women have more options than men. Men earn more than women because of 25 different choices they make in the workplace. Faludi ignores the Lace Curtain – the anti-male, pro-feminist media bias that questions none of the above assumptions. For example: Newsweek , NPR, and The New York Times give feminists like Faludi the front cover and full coverage. Farrell confronts, defines, and documents the Lace Curtain. For example: Newsweek, NPR, and The New York Times ignore books by Farrell and other men that confront the men’s issues mentioned above and below. Faludi ignores the legal system’s double standards against men (male-only draft registration; Violence Against Women acts; battered women’s syndrome; WIC; etc.) Farrell explains the legal system’s double standards against men (male-only draft registration; Violence Against Women acts; battered women’s syndrome; WIC; etc.) Faludi largely ignores male bashing and often participates in it. Farrell explains how male bashing permeates our conscious and unconscious assumptions. Faludi ignores government studies that are biased against men. Farrell explains government studies that are biased against men. Faludi ignores government funding of women’s issues and the neglect of men’s issues. Farrell confronts the anti-male sexism in government funding of women’s vs. men’s issues. Faludi ignores almost all of the 33 areas of men’s health that Farrell feels are being neglected. Farrell describes the 33 areas of men’s health that Faludi ignores. Faludi ignores women’s anger that is due to divorce destroying women’s guarantee of marriage as economic-security-for-a-lifetime. Farrell explains women’s anger that is due, in part, to divorce destroying women’s guarantee of marriage as economic-security-for-a-lifetime. Faludi advocates non-adversarial communication but fails to outline the specific ways couples can make that a reality of everyday life. Farrell devotes four chapters to specific guidelines to help both sexes give and receive personal criticism. Faludi advocates men being in touch with their feelings, but is rarely specific about how, or what specifically blocks them. Farrell explains how men can be in touch with their feelings and shows how every institution – from the family to the workplace – can encourage men to do that.

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