The Backlash! - July 1996
Organization News - National Center for Men
National headquarters: P.O. Box 555 Old Bethpage, NY 11804
Mel Feit, Executive Director: (516) 942-2020
James Pierce Whinston, Deputy Director: 503-727-3686
P.O. Box 6481, Portland OR 97228-6481
Activism/message /event/info line: 503-727-3686
Men's and Fathers' Activism Report -- 6/12/96
The NCM supports total equality between men and women.
DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed herein are those of the persons who send
in the news items. They do not necessarily reflect those of the National Center For
Men, its officers, members, Jim Whinston or Mel Feit.
Father's day, June 16, FOX TV Special: "Bad Dads." What a treat for Father's
Day! George Foreman, host, with "role playing situations designed to make
'better fathers' of these neglectful dads." FOX BROADCASTING CO: 310-369-
1000, PO Box 900, Beverly Hills CA 90213. DIRECT LINE for comments on
this special 310-369-4195 (be nice, now), and number at end of program.
PBS TV, 6/14/96, "Domestic Violence: Faces of Fear" Diane Sawyer reports on a
crime that cuts across socio-economic lines... The hour examines prevention and
treatment efforts by Advocacy Groups "goes beyond grim statistics and survival
testimonials to consider cultural attitudes toward a crime still regarded as a 'family
matter.' " Why wait until Father's Day itself to give us their editorialization,
when the whole weekend can be affected? Sounds like more of the gender war.
Corporation For Public Broadcasting: 901 E St. NW, Washington, DC 20004-
2037, 202-879-9600, fax 202-783-1019, email Comments.
"48 Hours," CBS TV, 5/30/96. Lead segment on Shannon Faulkner (and her
replacement), and the all-male Citadel. Well, Ms. Faulkner is now earning good
dough on the lecture circuit ("I had a complete emotional and mental
breakdown...") Seemed like they were just prepping America regarding the US
Supreme court decision to come in a few weeks barring state schools from
denying admission based on gender. No mention of course of the almost 100
colleges that refuse to admit men, nor the federal funding they receive. If we are
not consistent, who will ever listen or respect us? Phone 212-975- 4321 option 1,
or comments all shows 212-975-3248, write 51 W. 52nd St., NY, NY 10019.
Mel Feit debated victim feminist Gloria Allred on Lifetime TV network, May 29.
It was heavily edited, but the sparks flew and the points were made. Mel and
Gloria are working with USA Network to do a "He said, she said" segment on a
regular basis. This is a chance to move the argument forward.
"Million Woman March & Conference" is the title of an article that ran on 5/19/96
in the Oregonian and all over the country. Organizers intend to style the event
after the "Million Man March" put on by the Nation of Islam a few months ago.
The article stated that it will be held Los Angeles in "mid June." This event is
intended to solve problems facing the family: teen-age pregnancy, drug abuse,
single parent households. Please send me any info, so we can educate them: find
dad, discover shared parenting and assuring visitation, and mediate for dad.
Mel Feit toured Calgary, Alberta, Canada, 6/1/96, lectured. It was a good
weekend for our northern brothers and sisters, equalitarian.
National rally for children, June 1, Washington DC, Lincoln Memorial. Well, it
occurred. Critics said "They're using children as a shield for defending the
welfare state and big government programs." Opportunity to let them know that
kids need BOTH parents, and a system that rewards cooperation -- not one parent
and a paycheck. Presumption of joint custody and shared parenting across the
land, assure visitation. Update 6/12/96: Line one of the pledge was "I will model
the values that I want my children to live; I will stay actively involved in their
growth and education." So here are the places to write and educate re the missing
joint custody, etc. Stand for
Children: 1-800-233-1200, 1832 Connecticut Ave,. NW, Wash, DC 20009.
Psychology Today, May/June 1996. two great articles on fatherhood, page 18 (one
pager) and page 48+ (two articles).
The first takes info from Professor Sara McLanahan of Princeton re the high drop-
out rate, lower academic achievement, and less likelihood of graduating college in
kids from single-parent and fatherless homes.
The second: Fathers impart "an ability to manage frustration, a willingness to
explore new things, and persistence in problem solving." "Father's are much more
likely 'to get children worked up, negatively or positively, with fear as well as
delight, forcing them to learn to regulate their feelings.'" "Mother's have to
temper their need to protect and remember dads offer things moms don't."
"Up until the mid-1700s, when most fathers worked in or near the home and
took a much greater hand in child-rearing, Western culture regarded them and not
mothers as the more competent parent -- and ultimately held them more
responsible for how their children turned out. Not only were books and
manuals on parenting written chiefly for men, according to R. L. Griswold, author
of 'Fatherhood in America,' men were routinely awarded custody of their kids in
cases of divorce."
"Father-child interactions appear to be central to the development of a child's
ability to maintain strong, fulfilling social relationships later in life."
"Fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge
consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children." Kudos,
kudos. (Next report I will review a victim-feminist paroxysm on domestic
violence, on page 56+.)
Thanks are in order for the importance of fathers articles, for now. Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers,
49 East 21st Street, 11th Floor, NY, NY 10010. Phone 212-260-7210, fax 212-
260-7445.
Reason magazine, June 1996, page 46+, article on "federal child support programs
may aid government more than the children." UPDATE 6/12/96: Sorry, this will
also have to wait until the next report for review.
Wall Street Journal, 6/7/96, op-ed, re Sexual Harassment, "Flirting With
Dangerous Precedents." "Today's business-women are being taught that behavior
they once would have considered boorish or inappropriate constitutes actionable
sexual harassment. Employers may think they are hiring consultants to protect
them from lawsuits, but what is actually being taught is a very different lesson: A
wink or a leer can be money in the bank."
"The average amount awarded ... to some $250,000 today." "Yet this zeal to
punish employers will also punish working women. If women are going to
continue to make inroads into the work force, they will have to deal with office
cranks and curmudgeons, louts and Lotharios, back-stabbers and boors -- just as
men have always had to do. It's hard to legislate away unpleasant personalities.
In the end, the true backlash against women will not stem from lewd, sexist male
bosses but from something far more threatening to the achievements of women:
an employer's silent rejection of a woman's job application for fear of trouble."
Drug use report released, 6/5/96. The National Center On Addiction &
Substance Abuse (CASA), which is at Columbia University, released its report.
"Women are fast catching up to men when it comes to smoking, drinking and
doing drugs." I think the report itself is unbiased. However, the MEDIA played
this to the hilt as a "women-are-victims" issue. CASA could be contacted and
asked to be aware that people are using their report to wage a gender war, thus
countering any good work done by CASA, and asked to make sure that no one
does so again (i.e., issue a statement). 212-841-5200, fax 212-956-8020, 152
West 57th St., 12th Floor, NY, NY 10019.
Oregonian, 6/5/96 - Wenatchee Sex-Ring Witness lies, Yakima, Washington: "A
13 year old girl who testified at four trials that she had been sexually molested
now says he lied about the alleged abuse, telling authorities what she thought they
wanted to hear." " 'I was, like, I was pressured to,' she said." (Now that that's
cleared up, let's get back to the playoffs. I'm sure the governor will take care of
the minor details regarding those who are in prison.)
Wall Street Journal, 6/4/96, op-ed, re: Homemaker IRA, "Stop Discriminating
Against Homemakers," by Kay Bailey Hutchison, US senator from Texas. Right
now, if both husband and wife work outside of the home, they can set aside
$4,000 into a tax-deductible retirement account. But if only one works outside of
the home, they are penalized -- they can only set aside $2,250.
“The federal government thus sends the wrong signal about the value of the work
homemakers perform." The "Homemaker IRA" would greatly increase
homemaker's pensions, she says. It "would acknowledge that many women move
in and out of the work force during their child-rearing years -- and send the
message that the government shouldn't penalize them for it." She feels President
Clinton has a gender gap! (Now, if only she was running for President. But, wait,
Bob Dole needs a running mate! How about Kay Bailey Hutchison, or Christine
Todd Whitman, governor of NJ, or Lynn Martin, former Secretary of Labor?
BOB DOLE CANDIDATE: 202-414-6400, Fax 202-408-9468. Hey, it just
might work!) As for closing that retirement gender gap idea, PRESIDENT
CLINTON: The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Wash, DC 20500,
comments 202-456-1111, fax 202-456-2461.
TIME Magazine, 6/3/96, "Who
Speaks For Kids?" cover story. One redeeming comment in highlights on page
33: " 'Americans want to help poor children without subsidizing their parents, and
that's tough,' says a children's advocate." The way to help kids without
encouraging illegitimacy is through shared parenting, rewarding cooperation, and
assuring visitation. TIME Magazine: 212-522-1212, or customer service 800-
843-TIME, write Time & Life Bldg., Rockefeller Center, NY, NY 10020-1393.
Newsweek, 6/3/96, "The Biology Of Beauty," cover story. Interesting (albeit sex-
sensationalistic) article on good genetics equals good health equals attractiveness.
One tidbit on why men are so visually oriented.
"Almost anything that interferes with fertility (in women) -- obesity, malnutrition,
pregnancy, meno-pause -- changes a woman's shape. Healthy women typically
have waist-hip ratios (WHR) of 0.6 to 0.8, meaning their waists are 60 to 80
percent the size of their hips, whatever their actual weight." Researchers have
found that "even a slight increase in waist size relative to hip size can signal
reproductive problems." (In some women, obviously, not all.) "The odds of
conceiving ... declined by 30 percent with every 10 percent increase in waist-hip
ratio. In other words, a woman with a WHR of 0.9 was nearly a third less likely
to get pregnant than one with a WHR of 0.8, regardless of her age or weight.
From an Evolutionary Perspective, it's hard to imagine men not
responding to such a revealing signal. And as (researcher) has shown repeatedly,
they do" (pages 65-66).
In other words, those men who did not have a powerful, unexplainable urge to
find as attractive those women with hourglass figures simply had LESS children,
and slowly died out. (Except for me). If we acknowledge the evolutionary basis
for men viewing women as reproductive objects, and women viewing men as
provider/protector objects, it will then be easier to successfully educate both
genders not to objectify.
Wall Street Journal, 6/3/96, op-ed re: Soaring illegitimacy rates, "Why Murphy
Brown Is Winning," by Maggie Gallagher. Girls from one conservative Indiana
county "are firmly convinced that there is nothing wrong with this behavior (teen
pregnancy). Any assertion that marriage and fatherhood are important meets with
their vehement opposition." "Nor is welfare the only example of misguided
government meddling. Why is it that local school districts no longer place
pregnant teens in special classes or schools?
The answer is not that every school in America decided mainstreaming unwed
mothers makes sense. Instead, this practice is the fruit of a 1972 Federal law that
prohibits schools receiving federal funds from discriminating on the basis of
pregnancy."
Ms. Gallagher is author of "The Abolition of Marriage: How We Destroy Lasting
Love." (Regnery, 1996). Maggie Gallagher: Universal Press Syndicate, 4900
Main Street, Kansas City, MO 64112. And, finally, a chance to tell the Wall
Street Journal op-ed submissions editor something. The presumption of joint
custody, rewarding cooperation, and enforcing visitation would mean that parents
would be "stuck with each other" for 18 years, thus highly discouraging
illegitimacy and divorce, with no draconian measures. Wall Street Journal: 212-
416-2000, fax editorial/news 212-416-2658, fax editorial page 212-416- 2891,
write 200 Liberty Street, NY, NY 10281, emails given out only from source.
Wall Street Journal, 6/3/96, editorial re: None of the Above (NOTA), "Give
Voters a Real Choice." Add a line on every ballot that says, "None of the Above."
Vote the bums out even when they give you no real choice! "Including NOTA
on the ballot could give citizens a reason to go to the polls even if they aren't
enthusiastic about the choices, and would be far more effective than campaign
finance reform in reducing the overwhelming advantages of incumbents. NOTA
might even discourage highly negative campaigning, since candidates would be
running FOR the approval of voters, not just to offend fewer people than
opponents." A NOTA bill passed the Michigan House, and
one is in that senate.
Wall Street Journal, 5/28/96, lead op-ed, "Welfare Privatization." Bob dole
announced on 5/23: "Individual taxpayers .. could then allocate the money to
charities of their choosing." "They know far more about the effectiveness of
poverty programs in their communities than bureaucratic overseers in
Washington." "When spending decisions are made through the political process,
powerful special interests invariably influence how the dollars are spent." "The
theory behind taxpayer choice is that individuals are required to devote a percent
of their income to the relief of poverty, but they can choose the receiving
organization. Government chooses the amount that must be given, taxpayers
choose the recipient. The result will be a massive shift of funds from government
programs that do more harm than good to private-sector programs that actually
work." On first blush, this may not be a bad idea. It could be done partially, too.
(My, oh my, it's been a fortnight of new ideas!)
Wall Street Journal, 5/28/96, "Anxious Parents Question Merits of Circumcision."
A balanced article. No medical argument for it, but "urinary tract infections,
which are uncommon in circumcised males, occur in from 1% to 4% of those who
are not. In one in every 100 cases of infant UTI, the newborn kidney suffers
damage that results in failure of the organ as an adult." "'Forcefully restraining an
infant and cutting off part of his genitals can have a very deep psychological
impact on him as a man,' says Ron Goldman, who relates many such stories in an
upcoming book called, 'Circumcision: The Hidden Trauma.' Other men claim
that circumcision has a desensitizing effect on their sex life." And since a N.
Dakota law prohibits any surgical alteration of the genitals of under-aged females,
the same protection should extend to males. And away the constitutional lawyers
go.
Dear Abby, 5/28/96, "Men Can Be Abuse Victims, " A man writes that his
brother's wife had all 15 of Abby's symptoms of an abusive person, and refers to
research showing that women are as abusive as men in relationships. His letter is
good. Abby says, "my experts tell me men's numbers are dwarfed." The reason
there are no shelters for men is because "men are presumed able to provide for
themselves" (doesn't she believe women are equal to men?!).
And her piece de resistance: Frequently women "have no money, credit or job
skills, and think they'll be unable to support themselves and their children. The
same is not true for men." So where does dad go with the children, and how does
he work when he looks after them? Such stereotypes, such waste of our societal
productivity. PO Box 69440, LA, CA 90069.
Wall Street Journal, 5/24/96, "Treating Sex Offenders Becomes an Industry, But
Does It Work?" Column one. "There is little evidence that the therapy really
works." In "drama" therapy the offenders "engage in role-playing that therapists
say helps inmates understand what it feels like to be the victim of a sex crime."
One doctor says "therapists should concentrate on treating offenders' underlying
problems, such as mental illness. He also questions the widespread use of
confrontation ... 'It reminds me of ... where there was a lot of yelling and
screaming and wearing of dunce caps. This field ... seems to me to have become
more reprehensible." But take heart: "By making offenders pay for their
treatment, budget-conscious corrections departments can say they are
rehabilitating convicted sex offenders -- and saving tax dollars."
Knight-Ridder Newspapers, 5/12/96. Article on Rape, title may change. In the
Oregonian, it was "Feminists Dispute Man's Nature In Studying Rape." Written
by Mark Bowden. A victim-feminist (Peggy Sanday) blames the patriarchy and
male culture for rape, and Camille Paglia says it's more the way men and sex are.
Neither are too complimentary of men, but at least it's a debate. Paglia adds some
redeeming bits about men's nature: "'Masculinity is aggressive, unstable,
combustible. It is also the most creative cultural force in history.' " Since we are
30 years into the gender equality movement, is it not time to go the next step?
BOTH men and women can be sexually violated and humiliated by each other, in
their different ways, and shouldn't we recognize them both, and educate against
them both? And with this mutual respect / mutual sensitivity / equal deterrence
approach, won't we reduce the rape of women, to boot? Your thoughts, please.
Mitsubishi Sexual Harassment: The continuing saga. Update: 6/12/96: The PBS
Nightly Business Report, 6/7/96 covered this story in a different light.
This sexual harassment controversy may be due to the cultural differences and
communication problems arising between Japanese management and American
workers. Finally a breath of constructive analysis and reason. PBS Nightly Business Report: c/o WPBT
TV, PO Box 2, Miami, FL, 33261. 305-949-8321, fax 305-949-9772.
More Sexual Harassment: re the White House motion to delay the charges of
sexual harassment against President Clinton, by Paula Jones, until after Clinton's
presidency, on grounds that he was covered under the "Soldiers And Sailors
Relief Act" of 1940. (This act automatically delays lawsuits against military
personnel until after active duty is over, and Clinton, as president, is the
commander-in-chief ...) Update: 6/12/96: Gees, did they run from that one with
their tails between their legs, and in a hurry!
Hillary Clinton wants to have a child, or adopt! News flash! Exclusive in Time
magazine. (So what.) Side issue: critics say this is Hillary's way of looking more
"Ma, Pa and apple pie-ish" just before the election.
Our issue: Maybe Bill Clinton is now open to the idea of making sure that the
father of the child agrees to the adoption, before whisking junior away.
The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Wash, DC 20500, comments 202-
456-1111, fax 202-456-2461. (A related op-ed, Wall Street. Journal, 5/31/96,
"The Politics Of Motherhood," discusses the powerful prejudice against women
who choose childlessness by Jeanne Safer, author of "Beyond Motherhood:
Choosing a Life Without Children." "Childless women see themselves as self-
affirming, not selfish.")
Stay tuned for Wimbledon! "Jennifer Capriatt’s wayward punch strikes
waitress." "After getting bounced from the French Open..." Tennis star "Capriati
got into an argument with her boyfriend ... A punch intended for her boyfriend
instead hit (the) waitress, who was standing nearby." We all know that the best
tennis players study the masters -- who in this case must be Andrea Jaeger.
Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss had her pandering charge tossed out by the
California Appeals court (and may now get a new trial). Score one for the
Libertarians who want the government to get out of policing behavior between
consenting adults, even if cash is transferred. The cynics point to the cost of
drinks, dinner, movie, nightcap, etc. and ask why they don't similarly arrest people
for dating.
Ongoing
YELLOW PAGES -- US West Direct. They are starting a "Men's Organizations"
category, just like they have a "Women's Organizations" heading. UPDATE
6/12/96: They have sent me the written confirmation on this. If you need a copy
of it, to help get this category in the yellow pages in your city or town, just send a
SASE and I'll send it to you.
Are you being forced into fatherhood? The NCM Reproductive Rights Project may be
able to help you.
California activism
What a difference a report makes. Last time I (self-indulgently) groused about a
very seriously victimized father who had criticized me and us for our insufficient
interest in his tragedy. Well, he hasn't seen his daughter for closer to ten years,
not five. He's been labeled a "molester" by some do-gooder organizations,
threatened with stalking charges and arrest every which direction he turns,
including going to the state bar to ask for help.
As I tried to say in the last report, it wasn't insufficient interest that was the
problem, it was inundation and impotence. I wrote this decent and deserving
gentlemen a long letter and apology, hoping to renew a dialog, and possibly find a
direction for action. He has graciously responded with written communications. I
am optimistic in our friendship. But, of course, I have no idea about what to do
for him. A thought has come to me. Maybe it is time to put together and edit a
book.
Maybe call it, "The Last Time I saw my Little Girl," or similar, and include true,
real life chronologies and stories of the tragedies that non-custodial men and
women have faced in pursuit of simple access to their sons and daughters. We are
probably in a position to compile, put this together, edit, get the baby published,
and get it promoted. And dedicate it to this gentleman in California. Any
thoughts here, including a better title, sub-title, and how to proceed, please?
Oregon activism
On TV: "Divorce -- Is it fair to Men and Women?" Sun. 6/16/96 on Channel 32,
10:30 p.m. On "Crosstalk." We did this show and it went well. A great
discussion, many good points.
Stand for Children Rally, 6/1/96. We handed out 500 fliers on the need for two
parents, rather than one parent and a paycheck, etc. A good day.
Willamette Week Newspaper, May 22-28, page 13, article on disbarring of
Howard Binns. "Howard's End: The Or Supreme Court Yanks the License of a
Loud-Mouthed 'Father's Rights' Lawyer." UPDATE 6/12/96: Look for my
response, please. Comes out on Wednesday's.
We meet every Monday 7-9 PM. Support and activism. At Lloyd Center (NE
11th and Halsey, Portland), 3rd Floor, Room 2032 (to the right of Gentle Dental,
to the right of Meier and Frank). Get it off of your chest; change the world.
Our Men’s Domestic Violence hotline is up: 285-9188 in Portland. Yes, it is
starting slow and small, but it's up. someone will get back to you, eventually.
(But call 911 or Metro Crisis, 503-223-6161, if it's an emergency, a "crisis," or
tendencies are suicidal.)
The next "Equality on the Equinox" sm rally
will beSaturday, September 21, 1996. And we'll have a live band. Please contact
me for how-to-kits ($6), to do one in your area. It's fun.
KPSU radio 1450 AM, each Thursday, 6-7 p.m. live (father's and family issues,
more, fun). Please call in from anywhere! (503-725-5945), especially at 6:15
p.m., Pacific time
On 7/18 will be women and business, science and technology; on 7/25 will be
Lynnette Barkowski , a second wife, on lobbying her step daughter's school
principal to let her husband sit in on his daughter's class (earth shattering request,
but it's being denied, no kidding); on August 1 is Glenn Dettwiler on going to
medical school and starting up a clinic for men's medical concerns; on 8/8 is Jim
Greenfield, attorney, on sexual harassment; on 8/15 we will head back to the
campaign trail with interviews with major candidates for the November 5 election.
Please tune in.
File a grievance with the support enforcement division. For complaints, call 800-
850-0228 (in Oregon only, probably), option 2 (for payers), option 7 (for
grievance form).
The Family Violence Intervention Steering Committee meets the 2nd Friday of
each month, at 12:15, at the Portland Building (1021 SW 5), Second floor. They
define men as batters and women as victims. Mailing list (which itself pressures
them): 503-248-3691 ext. 7806.
THE NCM NEEDS YOUR SUPPORT, contributions of time, energy, money, and
membership. We CANNOT do this without your support. Our children are going
AWOL without two parents. Our marriages are failing because all issues have
been framed as men versus women for 30 years, which is extremely divisive. A
gender war hurts our children, and provides devastating role models. We must
vigorously educate to protect our children and our children's right to two parents
and a system that rewards cooperation, and our children's right to healthy role
models. Everyone is getting hurt. PLEASE JOIN. Membership in the NCM is
$60, $40, and $30 low income. Suggested donation for reading this report is $1
per report, $24 per year.
Reprinted with permission from the Activism Report of the National Center for Men
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