Recently, I was referred to a woman who for her own personal reasons needed to tell someone her story of how she had her husband thrown into jail. She explained in no uncertain terms that the following story was her fault. This is how she used the legal system to have her old man thrown in jail.
Bob and Nanette (not their real names) had been married for over 8 years. During this period they enjoyed a good marriage. At no time had Bob ever been even the slightest bit violent toward Nanette.
One night they went out for dinner and a few drinks. Unfortunately, Nanette had way too much to drink. Somehow the two of them got into a heated argument at the restaurant, so they decided to leave and head home. On the way, the argument started to get out of hand. Nanette told me that it was at this time that she actively decided to antagonize Bob. She wanted to see how much it would take to make him finally blow.
The argument continued to escalate. Verbal insults got louder and more hostile. Then, while Bob was driving, Nanette started to flick her fingers into Bob's face. After doing this a number of times, she got out her credit cards and started to fling them into Bob's face. Although the cards cut his face in a number of places, Bob did not fight back but continued to drive home.
After they arrived home, Nanette continued the verbal and physical abuse, going out of her way to antagonize Bob as they argued around the house. She even threw a number of things including a pan at him.
Finally, she got under Bob's skin. He blew up and back-handed her across the face. Nanette got a bloody nose. This is what she expected. She called the police and did exactly what she had set out to do. She claimed domestic violence.
When the police arrived, even though Bob was cooperative, they man-handled him. They took pictures of Nanette none but none of Bob. Then they took Bob to jail without ever asking for his side of the story.
As it turns out, Bob got out of jail that very night. He stayed out of the house for the next three days and then moved back in with Nanette and their relationship got back to normal, except for the ramifications of the legal system.
As in all cases of this type, the prosecutor's office assigned a domestic violence advocate. The job of the advocate is to make sure that the alleged victim has a "friend " watching out for her best interests in the court system. In addition the advocate is suppose to make sure that the batterer (Bob) is held accountable for his crime.
In this case, the DV advocate really did her stuff. First, she assured Nanette that "it's not your fault." Nanette tried to tell the DV advocate that she, Nanette, had caused the problem. How she had planned to get Bob thrown in jail. But the DV advocate kept telling her that it was Bob's fault, explaining "no man ever had a right to touch a woman."
Nanette further told me that this DV advocate was quite an obnoxious woman. While in the courtroom waiting to go to trial, Nanette and Bob were sitting across from each other. They had been living quite happily together again for some time. The DV advocate knew this. Bob reached out to tap Nanette on the shoulder in order to get her attention. When the DV advocate saw Bob touch Nanette, she said "don't you ever touch her. I'll have you thrown in jail."
This case was heard and decided by a judge. The county made it's case. Bob and Nanette told their side of the story claiming that she, Nanette, was the one that caused the problem. But the judge found Bob guilty of assault.
Bob received a 12 months deferred sentence. He was ordered to take a number of counseling classes, including a 24 session anger management class.
After the fourth session, the counselor said that Bob was wasting his time. The counselor wrote a letter to the court. Bob was not an aggressive nor angry person and would not benefit by the class. The court agreed and Bob did not have to finish the class.
This also is a perfect example of what the women's rights activists refuse to believe. No woman could ever lie: No woman could ever start a fight. No woman could be the cause of a DV situation. Not only did it happen. But after considerable time and much forethought the woman responsible for this particular case came forward and is trying to let people know that this does happen.
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